Idol Rant 3.26.08

The Best

David Cook (1982) - "Billie Jean"
Brilliant!!! David left the guitar backstage this week and used this as an opportunity to prove that he really can sing. Wow, can he ever! The one really long note was absolutely amazing. He could leave the show today and release a hit album within a month. I would certainly buy it. David Cook should definitely be in the final two if this is truly a talent competition and not a popularity or beauty contest.

The Worst

Seabiscuit (1984) - "God Bless The U.S.A."
So, she starts by telling us that she spent her childhood annoying her siblings by singing in the car but they don't mind her singing now. Duh! They have gone deaf from years of abuse to their hearing. She then decided that she would guarantee a stay for next week by wrapping herself in the flag and trotting out a Lee Greenwood staple. Obviously, the judges were rendered deaf during her performance as well. Her best so far? Compared to what?!? Aaaacccckkkk! No More! That is it! Seabiscuit has got to go. Take this pony out out to pasture and put her (and us) of misery or better yet take her to the factory and have her turned into glue.

Ramamamamalei (1987) - "Alone"
This is Carrie Underwood's song. When you pick a song that someone has done previously on the show (and very well I might add) you had better be able to knock it out of the park or you shouldn't bother. She is battling with Seabiscuit to see who can get sent home first. Seabiscuit better win and get the boot. Disaster!

Carly Smithson (1983) - "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
What an ugly dress. The shrieking stink eye was back in full force this week. The beginning was not that bad then the shrieking began. The judges were wrong. This was not a bad song.... she just did not sing it well - at all. This was almost as painful as Seabiscuit and Ramamamadingdong and she really has no excuse to be this bad since she does have previous experience as a recording artist under her belt.

The Rest

Chikezie (1985) - "If Only For One Night"
I was disappointed to see the twang leave this week. That said, I was scared when I saw that Chikezie was tackling Luther Vandross. He was actually pretty darn good. Unlike the judges, I liked the way he worked the stage - it showed a much stronger stage presence than he usually has when singing slow songs. I really like this guy.

Brooke White (1983) - "Every Breath You Take"
Despite the misstep at the beginning, I liked it. I really enjoyed the slowed down almost country version of this song. The only thing hurting Brooke is that she is not a pop artist nor could she ever be. She could, however, have much success on the fringes of popular music. I would love to see a final two comprised of Brooke and David Cook. :O)

Michael Johns (1978) - "We Are The Champions"
Queen is obviously his forte. There were some rough notes at the end but he was really good until he started to lose his voice. His biggest problem is that he is not the best "rocker" on the show and he needs to differentiate himself somehow. One way to do that is to give us solid performances week after week like the one he gave tonight.

David "The Tongue" Archuleta (1990) - "You're The Voice"
After I pointed out last week that he has Reuben tendencies, Keri Stocks noticed that he seems obsessed with licking his bottom lip NUMEROUS times while performing. Weird! I had to put him on "Tongue Watch" this week and I counted 5 times that he licked his bottom lip during this song (and the song did not allow many opportunities for it since it was slightly upbeat). Eeewwwww! I don't know what the teenyboppers see in him when they are losing their junk each week when he comes out but I am OVER IT. He can go ahead and get gone with Seabiscuit. Yuck! ***Try your own version of "Tongue Watch" next week - it will gross you out!***

Jason Castro (1987) - "Fragile"
I LOVE his video packages. He is hilariously stoned during filming (and probably on the show as well). I think he is actually making the smart move by playing it safe each week and sticking with what he knows. He could take the judges advice and step out of his comfort zone but it is usually a disaster when a contestant listens to the judges and they then ream the contestant out for doing what they were told to do. He can sit each week and quietly sing a song while playing his guitar and find himself a spot in at least the top 5. If I were him, I wouldn't change a thing.

Syesha Mercado (1987) - "If I Was Your Woman"
More of the same old, slow build to the power vocal, Syesha. I actually preferred her last week. I do not think, like drunk Paula, that this was the week that she "flipped it". She can also put away the baby crying bit. We have heard it once and didn't need to hear again. Will she find herself in the bottom 3 again? Possibly, if Carly doesn't beat her to it.

Should Go
Seabiscuit

Will Go
Seabiscuit (Please?!? Is anyone out there listening to me? I truly can not take much more. The only way I could live with her staying is if Carly or David A get the surprise boot this week and that is not likely to happen based on the Dial Idol Results.)

Dial Idol Predictions
Safe: David Cook, David Archuleta and Carly Smithson.
Bottom 3: Ramiele, Jason Castro and rounding out the bottom... Chikezie (No!)

Idol Rant 3.19.08

Sorry guys! This week's rant is as weak as the performances last night. Ugh! I don't need to hear another Beatles song any time soon.

The Best

David Cook - "Day Tripper"
If you didn't know already, he is my favorite so I am admittedly biased. Since I just saw Bon Jovi perform in Greensboro on Sunday, I loved the nod to them at the end of the song with the voice box. He is entertaining each and every week with consistent performances. He will make it to at least the top four of this competition if I have to dial until my fingers bleed. ;O)

Carly Smithson "Blackbird"
It pains me to have to include her in the best since she is a ringer that should have never been allowed on the show who I personally just Do Not Like. Tonight she toned down the power vocals, though there was still a hint of the stink eye, and she sounded better than she has all season. I was shocked that Simon picked this week to trash her as he has taken every opportunity to pimp her to the audience up to this point. I wonder what his agenda was with that? Sympathy votes, maybe?

The Worst

Seabiscuit - "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away"
Ah, Seabiscuit. Thank God she tanked it again this week and signed her exit papers. Not only does she sing like a strangled rooster but she is boring to boot. Even Paula gave her the kiss of death when she told her how beautiful she looked tonight. Pack your bags girl - your days of terrorizing the viewers of AI are over! :O)

Ramamamamalei - "I Should've Known Better"
The sad thing is that this girl can actually sing. She picks the worst songs week after week and then gives a completely lackluster performance. This week she multiplied her problems with the precocious play acting during the song. She will not last much longer. If she gets kicked off instead of Seabiscuit, I may lose it.

Amanda "Joe Cocker" Overmyer - "Back in the USSR"
Oh, the hair. The verses were really rough and she was so out of breath that I thought she might hyperventilate. I can't decide if the spastic Joe Cocker seizures that she calls dancing are entertaining or not. I know that she is going to stick around for now but I can only wonder what she will do when they get to themes that she can not turn into 70's rock.

The Rest

Chikezie - "I Have Just Seen A Face"
Chikezie has found his niche. Add a steel guitar and he goes from ho-hum to dy-no-mite in 5 seconds. I would have never thought that someone from Inglewood CA would have the best country/bluegrass talent this season. I really like this guy and when the song started I thought "oh, no - old Chikezie is back" and was scared that he would save Seabiscuit from getting her final curtain call this week. The bluegrass portion should save him but I have no idea what he can pull off next week but the judges will crucify him if he uses the steel guitar again.

David "Mighty Mouse" Archuleta - "The Long and Winding Road"
We all know that Weezy can sing as long as the song is slow enough for him. Unfortunately, while he is boyishly cute, which is obviously getting him TONS of votes, he is kind of Reuben Studdard-esqe on stage (without the towel to mop the sweat from his forehead). It is very robotic. Microphone in left hand - hold out palm of right hand and hit notes perfectly. Switch the microphone over to the right hand and hold out the left. Boring. His "aw-shucks" video packages before the performance can't be winning him any fans either.

Michael Johns - "A Day In The Life"
Other than the missed high note in the beginning of the song he did not do a bad job with this vocally. The problem was the arrangement. He should have never tried to use this extremely long song and condense it down to just over a minute and a half. Just pick something else. There were a kajillion songs. Like Mighty Mouse, he seems to have a hard time figuring out how he wants to hold the microphone while he sings.

Brooke White - "Here Comes The Sun"
I was so disappointed in her tonight. She is one of my favorites but she proved tonight that she just CAN NOT perform without an instrument. The dancing was atrocious without the gawky arm movements. She was the prime example of why they shouldn't have done the Beatles two weeks in a row. They should have saved Beatles week Part Deux for later in the season. By the end of the show, even the Beatles were getting on my nerves.

Jason Castro - "Michelle"
Simon hit the nail on the head with this one. He is so charming yet goofy that he is allowed to get away with bad notes that get held against other contestants by showing us his pearly whites. Like Brooke, he seems much more comfortable on stage when he has an instrument. The guitar needs to make a return next week on something upbeat.

Syesha Mercado - "Yesterday"
I didn't think she had the ability to rein it in and sing without belting it out and still sound well. I was wrong. Some of the high notes were a little iffy but it was her best performance since the competition began. She could have worn more clothing, however. Next thing you know she will have laryngitis again due to chest exposure.

Should Go
Seabiscuit

Will Go
Seabiscuit (This is IT! No More! If you know someone that is voting for her, for the love of God, disconnect their phone or break their dialing finger.)

Dial Idol Predictions
Safe: David Archuleta is the only contestant that is safe.
Bottom 3: Chikezie, Amanda and Kristy Lee

Idol Rant 3.12.08

The Best

David 'Rock God' Cook - "Eleanor Rigby"
Forget "Wig-Boy" Carrico and Michael Johns, David Cook is the true rocker this season on American Idol. He worked the same magic this week as last by taking a great Beatles song and making it current although I did miss the guitar. He is this season's Daughtry and an early favorite of mine to win it all.

Brooke 'Snow' White - "Let It Be"
She is so much more comfortable on stage when she is playing an instrument. She seemed to really take her song to heart (at one point during the performance she looked like she wanted to cry). She appears to not only really want the opportunities that Idol can provide but to be grateful for every day that she can remain in the competition as well.

Chikezie 'Jacuzzi' Eze - "She's A Woman"
I had written him off last week so I was truly shocked at how well he was able to perform this week. He brought the first sign of life to the show. He was upbeat, entertaining and actually hit the high notes that he attempted. You couldn't really ask for more. I know that he is not the favorite of at least one of the readers but "Don't Hate" - vote for Chikezie. :o)

The Worst

David 'Weezy' Archuletta - "We Can Work It Out"
***SHOCKER*** I couldn't believe how bad he was. He has been a standout so far through the competition but it all fell apart tonight. This is what happens when a contestant tries to follow the advice of the judges. Stepping out of his comfort zone, he chose an upbeat song that he was so incapable of keeping up with that it was impossible for him to remember the lyrics. The fist rule of Idol is that you MUST know the lyrics to your song (or at the very least be good at faking it). Since he has been performing his entire life, there is really no excuse. I thought the judges took it easy on him because they want him to stick around until the end of the season and that is not fair to the contestants that they have crucified in the past for doing the same thing.

Kristy Lee 'Seabiscuit' Cook - "Eight Days A Week"
Country, Pop, Rock, Soul... it doesn't matter. This girl just CAN NOT sing! There were hints of Carmen Rasmussen in her performance and that is never, ever good. She will definitely be in the bottom three and I hope that she goes ahead and leaves for home. Maybe if she leaves now she will still have time to get her horse back.

David 'Private Dancer' Hernandez - "I Saw Her Standing There"
So, is "pizza bistro" the new slang for strip club these days? That is a new one for me. This was a definite mis-step for him. Horrible song choice coupled with shrill singing, bad dancing and his questionable press should see him in the bottom three this week as well.

Ramiele 'Ramamamamalei' Malubay - "In My Life"
Ramiele is hard to figure out. She actually has a decent voice but seems to consistently pick the wrong song. Or, maybe I am wrong and she just has horrible stage presence. It all equates to a mind-numbing, lackluster performance week after week. It was made even more dull tonight because it followed the energetic performace by Chikezie.

Syesha 'not worthy of a nickname' Mercado - "Got To Get You Into My Life"
The problem with Syesha is that she is only good when she is belting it out. Yes Randy, she has a "Big Voice". Unfortunately, she seems to want to pick songs with lots of soft moments in them and when she does it is really not good and absolutely forgettable. I am not really sure why the judges, Simon in particular, felt the need to praise her this week. Fortunately for her, though she was one of the worst, she was not as bad as it got.

The Rest

Jason 'Spicoli' Castro - "If I Fell"
I love Jason but I wish that he would have gone into his falsetto less during this song. His voice is very pure when he is just singing along with the melody. As soon as he goes to the high notes I want to run screaming from the room. I know that it cursed David A. this week, but he needs to bring something a little more lively to the show next week.

Carly 'U2 Can Sell 400 CDs' Smithson - "Come Together"
I must admit to a bias against Carly. I have not cared for her since the beginning of the competition (she usually puts me to sleep). The fact that she is a ringer placed in the competition by Randy Jackson has not helped her cause any either. Believe it or not, I enjoyed tonight's performance until she started yelling at me. The issue that she faces are the looks that she makes when hitting the high "power" notes. Her eyebrows curl menacingly together and it looks like she is giving everyone the 'Stink eye". Quit looking at us that way you Celine wannabe!

Amanda 'Skunk Girl' Overmyer - "You Can't Do That"
The person that helps her pick out her hair and clothing each week should be fired immediately. Given that, she knows who she is and refuses to be anything else. Every song that she sings sounds like a rock anthem from the 70's. I could live without the scatting that she insists on doing each week but this was much better than "Carry On".

Michael 'Hot Aussie' Johns - "Across The Universe"
I am officially throwing Michael over for David Cook. He is pretty to look at but he has not been entertaining for the past few weeks. This was not his worst but it was dreadfully boring. This is a beautiful classic song. I commend him for sticking with the original arrangement - to change it would have been sinful - but it just did nothing for me. Fortunately for him, there were quite a few performances worse than his so he should be safe.

Should Go
Kristy Lee Cook, David Hernandez, Ramiele Malubay or Syesha Mercado

Will Go
Kristy Lee Cook (Please, please, please let her get kicked off. I can't take another week!)

Dial Idol Predictions
Safe: David A., Brooke, Chikezie
Bottom 3: Ramiele, David H., Syesha

Special Thanks to Keri Stocks for brainstorming on the nicknames for each of the contestants with me. :O)