Idol Rant 4.29.09

For "Standards From the Rat Pack Era" week, Idol used Jamie Foxx as a mentor and I was honestly surprised at how effective and insightful he was. He gave really good advice to the contestants though I could have lived without him getting a whiff of Danny's breath. Too bad that it doesn't actually matter how well each of the contestants perform their song. The Powers That Be have worked the agenda for a Danny/Adam finale, which they will probably get. If they do, then the Rant will end in two weeks because I will refuse to waste any more of my time with American Idol (AKA The Raspy and Screech Show).

Kris Allen - "The Way You Look Tonight"
Despite the fact that Simon call him a Spaniel (WTH?), Kris gave a pretty darn wonderful performance. There wasn't special mood lighting and he didn't hit notes that would send all the dogs in the neighborhood running but it was solid. Unfortunately, that doesn't matter because most of the drones in America think that it wasn't all that great because the 4 bobble heads told them that it was just okay and he has no chance to win because the finale will be Danny/Adam. At least they didn't discuss whether or not he shops in the women's department again.

Allison Iraheta - "Someone To Watch Over Me"
HER BEST PERFORMANCE YET. This was not only beautifully sung but she enunciated well (sometimes a problem for her) and looked beautiful to boot. Kara made me take back all the mean things that I have said about her by touting Allison for the finals then Simon took the douche bag award for saying that it was only a 7 out of 10. What?!?!?!?! There has been talk of Paula or Simon not coming back next season. They should just fire them all and get new blood for next season along with a new producer that can meet the time limits by cutting out useless banter. I also recommend shock collars for the judges to keep their comments to a maximum of 45 seconds.

Matt Giraud - "My Funny Valentine"
I like Matt better when he is singing in his lower register. There were a few notes that were off but I thought he redeemed himself a bit this week. Kara hated it so she is back on my "useless" list. My good fortune towards her was destined not to last. Simon must have finally gotten a much needed cigarette or a shot of his favorite liquor because he was suddenly in a much better mood.

Go Danny Go - "Come Rain or Come Shine"
Come rain or come shine, I will finally get to see this smug sympathy-pandering tool shown the door. Oh, how I hope that it is this week. Much like every other week, he yelled and growled at us and then ate up the praise from Paula and the rest of those puppets. He also made sure to tell us that, like Paula, he can see the finish line. He is so full of himself that he stinks. He is the male equivalent of Lil. They have to remind us every week that he can sing. If he was actually that wonderful then we wouldn't need a reminder.

Screech! - "Feeling Good"
I was not feeling good about his suit or this performance. I don't care how long he can hold a note. I still don't like him and his singing voice, in the key of Mariah, grates on my nerves. This did not stop the judges from giving him a tongue bath and crowing him the eventual winner. The only honest comment made by the judges was made by Randy, of all people, who called him 'Broadway". Really? Did you just figure that out? He has been putting his previous Broadway experience to the test over the past few months while acting like a rocker. Jeez! The hilarious part is that they all talk about how wonderful he is and then Simon blows it by not remembering his name. If Simon was really that in love with him as an "artist" then he would put forth some effort to learn his name.

New Feature!
# of Trips to the Pimp Spot Counter
Kris, Allison, Matt & Danny - 1

Adam Lambert? - 3

That hardly seems fair.

Should Go
Danny

Will Go
Matt or Kris

DialIdol Results
Safe: No One!
Votes from top to bottom: Danny, Adam, Allison, Kris and Matt

I Will Miss You Noop Dogg!

Idol Rant 4.22.09

This was the hardest Rant to write this season because at this point I have stopped caring. I dreaded the competition this week as I would a trip to the dentist for a root canal and AI was just as lame as I knew it would be. Randy continued to prove that he should be fired from the show by attempting to convince the audience that "this is the most talented bunch of singers" Idol has ever had. Huh? I think we can all agree that Seasons 5 and 7 contained the most talent. I can't see where all seven of these contestants would be given a record deal like in Season 5. Kara continued to make Paula look good with her inane comments (and Paula didn't do herself any favors).

Lil - "I'm Every Woman"/Chaka Khan
Lil should not have made it past Hollywood week in the first place. We all know that the judges are the reason that we have had to listen to her caterwauling for the past few months. She should not be on the show and she proves it each week. The difference is that in the beginning the judges kept trying to convince America, and themselves, what a great singer she is. Now they have decided to go mean and be brutally honest with her. Scott was tone deaf and they were nicer to him. Do not get on the wrong side of these judges. They will cut you and then stomp on your bleeding carcass.

Kris - "She Works Hard For The Money"/Donna Summer
This was the only song of the evening that I would consider downloading from iTunes and the best of the night. Go Kris and Allison!

Go Gokey Go - "September"/Earth Wind & Fire
Bad dancing and yelling. Yep, same as almost every other week this season. Danny went to the Lil school of louder means better. My greatest fantasy is that they would both go tonight. And what was up with Danny making a heart with his fingers just after the judges sucked up to him? It was probably some sort of shout out to his wife and a reminder to the saps out there to keep voting for him. Danny should stop pimping and singing immediately. It is time for a real job.

Allison - "Hot Stuff"/Donna Summer
I am not sure if this was the most appropriate song for her based on the lyrics, however, Allison did a great job with it. Now that the producers/judges have finally gotten on her bandwagon there is a small amount of hope that the finale will not be Adam/Danny. Go Allison & Kris!

Adam - "If I Can't Have You"/Yvonne Elliman
Adam made the song his own this week in a stalker "if I can't have you then no one will" kind of way. Paula cried through the entire performance. She was either terrified that Adam was going to do her harm or she need more/less medication. Despite this, she makes more sense than Kara. Adam started in his lower register and was really good then he had to ruin it by screeching. He either thinks the screeching is good (and it's not) or he is being secretly sponsored by a hearing aid company and he is compensated for every ear-splitting note that he hits. I am starting to think he has a sponsor.

Matt - "Staying Alive"/Bee Gees
Matt proclaimed in the early stages of the competition that he watches Idol each season. Obviously, that was a lie. If he did watch then he would know that he should never pick a song about going/staying because undoubtedly he will have to sing it on his way out. Matt started off with a Justin Timberlake vibe and then ventured into Color Me Badd territory. The ending was heinous.

Anoop! - "Dim The Lights"/Donna Summer
I love Anoop but this was really not good once the song picked up pace. He is probably going to go home this week but I am glad that he made it this far. Stupid disco.

Should Go
Lil and Anoop

Will Go
Lil and Matt/Anoop

DialIdol Results
Safe: No One!
Votes from top to bottom: Lil (What?!?!?), Adam, Danny, Anoop, Matt, Kris, Allison

Idol Rant 4.15.09

Overall this was a pretty rough week for Idol though no where near as dreadful as Downloads week. They had the judges pair off in sets of two to take turns critiquing the Idols which made no sense to me. If you can't manage to have 7 people perform 1 1/2 minutes of a song during an hour long show then you need to go back to school or just cancel the show. There has to be something else that can be cut to allow more time for the judges comments.

Here are some suggestions:
1. Cut the segment at the beginning of the show where we introduce and make small talk with each of the judges. If people don't know who they are by now then they can study up on the internet. It is a waste of my time.
2. Stop all "chats" with Danny Gokey. He doesn't have anything interesting to say and wastes our time. Why even talk about the guitar if he is not going to play it on the show?
3. Don't allow Kara to speak. She doesn't have anything useful to say anyway so just fire her already.
4. Only let Randy speak if he can do so without using the words "Yo", "Dawg" or "Hot". That should pretty much keep him quiet throughout the night because I don't think it is possible. Just fire him too. If we only need two judges to address the contestants each week then it should be Paula and Simon.
5. Only let Paula speak when she has been given and passed a breathalyzer and drug screen prior to the show. When sober, Paula's comments actually make a little bit of sense.
6. Let Simon chain smoke throughout the show so that he won't be so crabby. Since he is usually the most honest, his opinion is the one most people want to hear anyway.
7. Cut the mentor segments. Quentin is a remarkable director who uses music as an extra character in his films but is it really necessary to let a different celebrity come by each week to promote their newest work under the guise of helping the contestants with their songs? Most of the contestants are so arrogant that they aren't going to take the advice anyway which makes it a pointless waste of time.

The Best

Kris - "Falling Slowly"/Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova, Once
Awesome! I honestly did not think that Kris would be as good without an instrument to bolster his confidence. I was wrong. He showcased his fabulous vocal abilities and was truly a stand out. Randy seemed to think that the entire song was "pitchy". Randy is in need of a Q-Tip. It was his second best performance of the season behind "To Make You Feel My Love"

Anoop! - "Everything I Do"/Bryan Adams, Robin Hood
Once again, when I read the spoiler on MJ's Big Blog that Anoop would be singing this song I thought he was done. I was also dejected because I abhor this song and the movie as well. However, once he started singing it was his best performance of the season. He showed control of his vocals and connected to the audience. He has improved greatly over the past few weeks. I know that he does not have a huge following but this performance should have been good enough to keep him around. Anoop!

The Worst

Matt - "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?"/Bryan Adams, Don Juan
This was easily the worst of the night. Bad notes all over the place and he seemed really nervous for some reason. Since I like Matt, I am willing to give him a pass this week in hopes that Lil will go instead but this was a lesson that Matt needs to never forget. Don't ever sing Bryan Adams again. There was no excuse for two of his songs tonight, his schmaltzy stuff sucks and it cursed you with a bad performance.

Lil - "The Rose"/Bette Midler, The Rose
Lil has proved over the past several weeks that she is no Martina, Celine or Tina. Tonight she proved that she doesn't have what it takes to tackle Bette Midler either. It was really not good. She just had to follow up her horrid performance by arguing with the judges. Give it up Lil. The judges are done with you and I am too. Please get gone this week. I am begging you.

The Rest

Allison - "Don't Want To Miss A Thing"/Aerosmith, Armageddon
Allison was a little off this week. It wasn't bad but the song just didn't seem to fit her and didn't really go anywhere. The good news for her is that the judges seem to have finally got the memo that Lil is awful and are finally starting to give Allison the support that she has deserved all along.

Dr. Frank N. Furter - "Born To Be Wild"/Steppenwolf, Easy Rider
Over the top screeching from the start which you all know that I HATED. And what was with the borderline hyperventilation between each verse? The gasping was reminding me of Upchuckuleta. I was just waiting for the lip licking to kick in. He is not a rocker people. He is a drama queen and I am completely over it and the weekly praise that he gets from the judges no matter how good/bad his performance is. Simon did finally call him for his theatrics hence his new nickname on the Rant.

Go Danny Go - "Endless Love"/Lionel Ritchie & Diana Ross, Endless Love
He was ghastly while sitting on the stool but improved when he stood up until he started yelling at us. I am morally opposed to him winning due to the wife pimping and he proved again tonight that the judges should have taken his best friend Jamal over him.

Should Go
Lil

Will Go
Lil (please?!?!?)

DialIdol Predictions
Safe: Only Danny is safe
In Danger of Leaving (in order from top to bottom): Lil, Adam, Anoop, Allison, Matt and Kris (What!?!?!?).

Idol Rant 4.8.09

After the truly awful spectacle that was Downloads week, I was ready to throw in the towel on Idol for good. In spite of this, I was optimistic that the show would be better when the producers started the program without the judges walking out across the stage and my hope did not die in vain. Maybe I will be able to make it through this season after all.

The Best

Allison (4/27/92) - "I Can't Make You Love Me"/Bonnie Raitt
Was this a love song to the fickle fans who will not vote for her for some reason despite her obvious talent? Allison proved why she is the lone hope against the judges picks for the season finale. If everyone out there has used their Q-Tips before the show then they should be voting for her this week and she should definitely be safe this week. If not, then they need to go ahead and crown Adam so they they can put this horrible season out of its misery.

Matt (5/11/85) - "Part Time Lover"/Stevie Wonder
This was the first time that I really liked Matt when he wasn't at the piano. Very solid vocal and, unlike Gokey, he wasn't at all boring. He has the talent and with a little polish he could be ready to realease an album. It seems that the judges are ready to get behind him as well.

The Worst

Scott (6/22/85) - "The Search Is Over"/ Survivor
I actually thought that Scott was much better standing up. Sadly, Scott is just not a good singer. He was flat for the first half of the song and then brutalized the ear drum piercing high notes at the end. He is the new Vote For The Worst pick but, hopefully, they will not be able to stop his exodus from the show.

Kris (6/21/85) - "All She Wants To Do Is Dance"/Don Henley
The arrangement of the song was so strange that it was virtually unidentifiable. I am not sure how he managed to do that with such a well known song. This was also so lackluster that the song felt 15 minutes long. Not good. Luckily for Kris, he as actual talent and should bounce back unless DialIdol has it right (which would be a shame).

Go Danny Go (4/24/80) - "Stand By Me"/Mickey Gilley
Before I critique his performance, I wanted to mention his collection of eyewear. I wasn't aware that contestants were allowed to have endorsement deals while on the show but that is the only reason that I can come up with to explain why he is able to wear a different pair of glasses every time we see him. That gets on my nerves almost as much as Danny himself. He lost points this week for wussing out and picking a song from the 60's. There had to be something that would have fit his raspy vocals from 1980. He, of course, got a tongue bath from the judges anyway but he didn't deserve it. The performance was very boring and I am sure that the judges secretly wish that the producers were not forcing them to say nice things about him. Come on, Simon. Do you really need the money that bad? Call this tool out!

The Rest

Anoop! (12/20/86) - "True Colors"/Cyndi Lauper (no wonder I like 'Noop. He has the same b-day as David Cook.)
When I read the spoiler on MJ's Big Blog that Anoop woud be singing this song I thought that he had already written his ticket home and I began to prepare myself. Once he started singing though, I actually thought this was pretty darn good. He was very solid vocally and his presence on stage was, in fact, strong as well. Hopefully, Scott will get the boot and I will get to enjoy Anoop for at least one more week.

Lil (10/20/84) - "What's Love Got To Do With It"/Tina Turner
I can't believe that I am about to defend Lil Rounds but here goes.... Her performance was not original at all (or that great) but I would like to remind the judges that when Syesha Mercado sang "Proud Mary" last year while wearing a Tina Turner style dress and doing the signature Tina dance they couldn't wait to slob all over her. The Lil Fest is obviously over and they are ready for her to get to steppin' back to Memphis. As an Allison fan that works for me.

Adam (1/29/82) - "Mad World"/Tears For Fears
The first verse and chorus of his performance was really good but someone has apparently told him that screeching is the way to go and he butchered the last half. I love, love, love this song and never want to hear it sung in the key of Mariah again. Ugh!

Should Go
SCOTT

Will Go
SCOTT (please?!?!?)

DialIdol Predictions
Safe: Only Adam is safe
In Danger of Leaving (in order from top to bottom): Danny, Allison, Lil, Matt, Scott, Anoop and Kris.

Idol Rant 4.1.09

Am I the only one out there that thought this week was a complete bust on Idol? The bad far outweighed the good last night on iTunes Download night to the point that I couldn't wait for it to end. The judges found plenty to love, though, so I must be losing my hearing in my old age. Stupid, pimping judges. Over the past few seasons there has been much conversation about the "decline" of Idol even though they were able to produce stars from each season. I don't see much hope for producing a star from this season. Those Adam fans out there (I know deluded people think that he has what it takes to be a star) were probably Blake Lewis fans too and we all know the Blake fans couldn't even be bothered to buy a copy of his debut release and he has already been dropped by his label. I had a Best of Season 7 cd of performance downloads for the contestants last year but there haven't been enough good performances this year to even bother. This may be the season that kills Idol or, at least, makes me stop watching.

I am not using the traditional format this week because at least six of the nine contestants would deserve to go under "The Worst". I am just going to grade the Idols in the order that they performed.

Anoop - "Caught Up"/Usher
Did I actually ask for a more contemporary theme for Anoop? I wish now that I hadn't. Anoop totally let me down. Usher? Really? Anoop, if you want to be an R&B singer then there are much better artists that you could have picked. It is probably not a good idea to pick someone who is known as well or better for their dancing ability than their vocal prowess. I hope this doesn't get him kicked off but he will definitely see the bottom 3. Grade: C

Megan - "Turn Your Lights Down Low"/Bob Marley
Anoop should thank God for Megan and hope that the VFTWorsters are all suffering from broken dialing fingers. She was her usual bad dancing, worse singing self. She will definitely be in the bottom (right?). Grade: F

Go Danny Go - "What Hurts The Most"/Rascal Flatts
What really hurts the most is hearing the judges praise Danny after he bleats and screams his way through the song to the point that there are quite a few words where his mouth is moving but there is just nothing coming out. Now, I know he can't really help it if he is losing his voice but the judges pretended that they didn't even notice. The acoustics in that auditorium must really be something. I am sure that he will be the top contestant again this week in votes since he will not only get the sympathy votes over the wife but now grandpa has passed as well. Grade: C-

Allison - "Don't Speak"/No Doubt
The song started off well and playing the guitar was cool but then she ditched the guitar and it went a little south. I did find it interesting that the judges called her for "shouting" the song but didn't call out their faves Adam, Danny and Lil for the exact same thing. Also, the judges shouldn't pick on Allison for her choice of outfit. It looked awfully similar to what Paula had on. Despite the ending of the song, Allison sang it better live than Gwen Stafani ever has. Grade: B

Scott - "Just The Way You Are"/Billy Joel
This may have been his "best performance so far" but is that really saying anything? This was more of the same old boring junk. Scott seems like a nice guy but I can't wait for him to go. Grade: D

Matt - "You Found Me"/The Fray
I liked this performance. It wasn't his best of the season but I prefer it when he goes a little rock and roll and abandons the falsetto. Performing in the crowd was cool. I didn't get why the judges told him that he needs to decide what type of artist he wants to be (either R&B or Rock) and stick with it. The producers are picking the themes and since that changes every week it would seem to me that he would need the ability to change it up every week as well. Grade: B

Lil - "I Surrender"/Celine Dion
Lil was shouting at us in desperation and wondering how in the world she got into this mess when she started off as a judge favorite. Lil can sing better than I can but I just don't think she has what it takes for this show. She is a one trick pony (Mary J) and whenever she steps out of those confines it is just not very good. By the way, judges, she can't sing Mary J Blige every week or you will crucify her for that and I will have to start watching her performances in mute. Grade: C-

Freakshow - "Play That Funky Music"/White Cherry
Screech was back with Danny Zucko hair. Over the top shrill notes with odd prancing and air thrusts. The judges look primed to get what they want with an Adam win though they may want to be careful what they wish for (see Blake Lewis reference above). Grade: C

Kris - "Ain't No Sunshine"/Bill Withers
This was the best of the night. I liked the updated arrangement. Grade: A-

Should Go:
Megan or Scott

Will Go:
Megan or Scott

DialIdol Results
Safe: Everyone except...
Bottom 3 Danger: (in order from most to least votes): Scott, Matt, Anoop, Allison and Megan. Please let it be Megan.